I've been trying to wrap my head around how I am feeling for a few days now and I'm really not having much sucess at it. I'm back to wanting to cry all the time and finding it difficult to switch off. Mr Miffy's back is no better, in fact if anything it's worse. He's being his usual infuriating self and refusing to ring the doctors himself so even though I shou,d be in school all day tomorrow I'll be having to find the time to ring and make an appointment for him. I know he's starting to struggle with the mental side of the constant pain but I really find his refusal to even make an appointment without my having to hold his hand very annoying. I know he's scared about what might happen but he's not the only one and I think he sometimes forgets that if the worse happens it's gonna be a pretty big thing for me not just for him. He's also wound me up this weekend cos while I was out doing his school thing on Saturday he sat the kids down explained the worst case senario to them so now Middle is not only worried about his Dad but thinks he's going to end up in a wheelchair. I hope the little chat made Mr Miffy feel better and was worth scaring his kids. I've had a talk with Middle today and hopefully he understands better what is going on and isn't as worried about worst case senarios. I kinda understand what Mr Miffy was trying to do but really as far as I'm concerned there was no need to get all dramatic about things till we know whether or not he even needs an operation.

I think as well I'm struggling just now cos last week I had to admit "out loud" (well via text) that I can't really leave Mr Miffy on his own with the kids for long. I'm even wondering whether leaving him while I go to the cinema this week is really a good plan though I think if I tried to explain to him why I wasn't going to go he get very upset. I'm most likely going to make sure eldest has nannie's telephone number so she can ring them as well as me if there is a problem. Hopefully with it being a lateish showing the kids will be tucked up in bed and he can just sleep on the sofa while I'm gone.